9 CORE VALUES THAT WILL CHANGE HOW YOU PARENT YOUR TEEN

I used to ask myself, what actually matters in parenting. Like, really matters. Because most days, it felt like I was just going through the motions. You know that autopilot mode? Wake up, throw together breakfast, yell about shows, drop off, work, come home, repeat.

And then I'd sit there at night and think....ok, but did I show up how I wanted to? Did I teach him anything besides how to be late for school. As a single mom, that's definitely not the route I wanted to take.

That's when I started thinking about values. My own personal core values. Not what everyone else says is important, but my own list. A life core values list that feels like mine.

Because otherwise you're just floating through life. You parent out of stress, guilt, or whatever mood you're in. And then you're inconsistent, and then your kid doesn't know what to expect from you. And that's just not fair.

So What Are Core Values

Basically, they're the non-negotiables. Your compass. Your filter.

The stuff that matters so much you want it to run through everything you do. It's like your invisible parenting manual. Like the pillars of your parenting. And when you don't know them, it's like you're winging it every day. Which I do anyway, but it makes the winging less chaotic.

Why It Matters

Because otherwise, honestly, parenting feels like noise. Everyone's telling you what to do. Books, experts, TikToks, and even websites like mine! And you'll try to follow one on one day, another tomorrow, then feel guilty when none of it fits.

The 'noise' is great to guide you. But if you've actually sat down and identified your values, you'll be able to see what's really important for you.

You know your important values. You can say, does this line up or nah, it doesn't. It makes you pause. And that pause is a big indication of whatever it matters.

9 Core Values To Inspire You

Okay, here are 9 of my core values that I hold on to as a mom. It keeps me sane. It gives me structure. You don't need to copy mine, but maybe it gives you ideas.

Patience

God. This one. I used to lose it more than I want to admit. I'd snap, then I feel guilty, then I try and make up for it. But patience is what stops me from completely losing it over something so small as dirty socks on the floor or something to that effect.

Being patient is just me reminding myself he's still learning. He's just 14, not 30. Doesn't make it easier, but it stops me from exploding every time.

Respect

It's normal to expect respect from your kid, because you're the mom, right. I mean, it makes sense. But respect is a two-way thing. Just like you don't like your teen talking over you, interupting you, dismissing, screaming or rushing you, they don't deserve all that either.

I noticed that showing my teen how much I respect him allowed me to be treated the same way. And it's not just in behavior, but in what he says, his thoughts, and opinions as well.

Honesty

Not just "don't lie". But me being honest too. I say sorry when I screw up. I admit that I don't know things instead of pretending I know more than him. It's uncomfortable sometimes. Your ego might get bruised just because you're older; you're supposed to know more?

But honesty builds trust. And honestly, I just want him to feel like he can tell me the truth even if it's ugly and painful. That can only happen if I model it.

Compassion

This is hard when your teen is slamming doors or ignoring you. But compassion is remembering they've got their own inner mess. School, friends, hormones, all of it. It's not always about you. Sometimes the attitude is just overflow.

It doesn't mean I'll excuse it completely, but I do try very hard to understand and see the human behind all the noise (or the silence).

Consistency

If I'm one person today and then I change tomorrow, then he won't know where he stands. And then he tests more, he pushes more, because he's not sure. Yes, being consistent is boring, but it works.

Even when I'm tired, I try to stay steady. Because we all know that kids need that security, even if they act like they don't.

Boundaries

This one used to make me feel really mean. Like saying no was too harsh. But boundaries are literally values in action. Saying no to the extra screen time. Saying no to things that go against my gut.

It's not about control. It's about protecting what matters in our family. Because without them, everything just slides.

Gratitude

Cheesy, but real. Gratitude does save me from spiraling. Because I can always focus on the mess forever. What he didn't do, how he rolled his eyes, how behind I am on stuff.

But being grateful makes me stop and notice the good things, even the littlest ones. The ones you'd normally take for granted. A smile, a hug, him cracking a joke. It just balances the heaviness. And it makes me happier.

Growth

I used to say, "This is just how I am". Like it was an excuse to stay stuck. But growth means I'm willing to change too. I don't have all the answers. And I'm not done learning. And if I'm not growing, how do I expect him to.

Parenting forces growth anyway. Might as well learn to lean into it.

Presence

This wasn't always easy for me. Between work, chores, and everything in between, it was really hard.

But presence was what he needed the most. I had to make the effort. Just me being there, actually listening, looking at him when he's talking. Or sitting together without needing to say anything. Presence is saying "I see you" without words. I'm so much better at it now, sometimes I forget, but I also keep coming back to it.

That's it. That's my list of personal core values that I keep while raising my son. Ask me again in a year, and it might look different. But these are the ones that anchor me when parenting feels a bit everywhere.

You don't need 9. Pick one. Pick two. Start small.

Even just naming them changes how you show up.

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