DEALING WITH THE UNEXPECTED LOSS OF SOMEONE WHO WASN'T EXACTLY YOUR FAVOURITE PERSON



My brother in law passed away recently.


The last time I saw him or spoke to him was more than a year ago. It wasn't under the best of circumstances. He had issues that he was dealing with that affected my sister and my nephew and naturally I felt the need to protect them. I remember being so angry at him, I yelled and screamed. He didn't yell at me but every word that came out of his mouth was fire to my ears!


I said not-so-nice things to him.


What I do regret is not taking the time to find out what was truly going on in his mind, and his body. He was ill when he passed and I still don't know what exactly was wrong. Regardless, his passing came as a shock to all - it was unexpected.


He passed at home with only his helper by his side. Now THAT makes me sad for him. No one should go without family and loved ones by their side.


His passing has made me reflect on many things.


.....how we take things for granted.

.....how fragile life is.

.....how easy it is to be angry and not care.

.....how easy it is to fail other people around us.

.....how we're so busy going through our lives doing things that don't really matter.

.....how we take for granted that we'll all live forever.

.....how decisions we make affect the lives of those around us whether we like it or not.

.....how we don't truly know what really goes on in someone's life.


I could have done better. I don't know exactly how but I could have at least tried.


It's too late for me to say anything to him or do anything for him, but ironically enough, his unexpected demise has given me a stark reminder to better myself.


Regardless of what was done and said, in his own way, I'm sure he loved my sister and their son very much.


I hope that in his afterlife, he finally has the peace and love that he so truly deserves.


For my sister, I hope this poem brings some solace,


Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.