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13 THINGS PARENTS ASSUME TEENS SHOULD JUST KNOW
- AA
- 5 minutes ago
- 6 min read
Parenting teens is weird in a quiet way.
Not toddler loud. Not newborn exhausting. It's quiet like doors closing. Headphones on. One word answers.
You stand there holding muscle memory. You know how to pack lunches. You know how to read their moods when they were eight. You know when something is off.
But suddenly there's this gap. And inside that gap lives a lot of assumptions.
You assume your kid who's now a teen know things. Because they're tall now. Because they have phones. because they look confident walking into school, even though your stomach still flips when you drop them off.
A lot of mistakes we make parenting our teens don't come from not caring. They come from assuming.
Assuming they picked it up somewhere. Assuming school covered it. Assuming TikTok or YouTube filled in the blanks. Assuming silence means understanding.
Maybe it's time we take notice of the small stuff we skip. The stuff we skip because life is loud and we're tired. The stuff we skip because our teens act like they've got it handled.
These are things we assume teens just know. But most of them don't.
13 Things Parents Assume Teens Should Just Know
We often take these for granted, assuming our teens should just know these things. And realizing that they don't, doesn't make you a bad parent. It's more about being aware that they don't. And being understanding of the fact before we react.
These are things your teens might want you to know but don't always have words for.
How to talk about their feelings
You assume they know how to explain what's happening inside them. But most teens only know how to verbalize two settings. "Fine" and maybe "Not fine".
When you ask what's wrong, because you can feel like something is up, and they shrug, it's not always attitude. Sometimes it's lack of language. They feel something big but don't know how to package it neatly for you.
So they shut down.
And you assume they're being difficult.
But they're not. They just have trouble articulating how they feel, amongst other things. And fear of being judged is also included in those 'other things'.
That sarcasm still lands like criticism
You think they know you're joking.
You've always joked like that.
But your teens are tender in places they don't show. Their confidence is still under construction. A comment about their tone or their clothes or how dramatic they're being can stick longer than you think.
They don't always know how to separate humor from judgment. Yet.
How to ask for help without feeling like a failure
You assume they'll come to you when things get bad.
But teens live in a world where weakness gets screenshot.
To them asking for help feels risky. They might feel like asking for help is almost like admitting failure.
So they sit with it. Sometimes longer than they should.
This is one of those common assumptions we make raising our teens. And somehow the realization hurts quietly.
That rules come from care, not control
You know your rules make sense.
They don't always.
From the teen perspective, parents often forget that rules can feel random when they aren't explained. They don't automatically connect curfews and screen limits to safety and concern.
Sometimes it just feels like power. And teens push against power.
How to handle rejection
You assume they'll bounce back.
They seem fine. They look fine. They still go to school, still scroll, still laugh at something dumb on their phone.
But rejection at this age feels loud. And public. And permanent.
Friend groups shift without warning. Group chats go quiet. Crushes stop replying. Teams don't pick them and everyone sees it happen.
They don't yet have distance. Everything feels like proof of who they are. So they turn it inward. "Maybe I'm annoying". "Maybe I'm not enough".
They don't always know how to hold rejection without letting it rewrite the story they tell themselves.
That emotions pass
You've lived long enough to know this. They haven't.
When something hurts them, to them it feels like it will always hurt. They don't believe you when you tell them that it will pass. They don't know yet that feelings move. That this version of them isn't fixed.
Sometimes all they need is just someone to sit with them for a little bit while they go through it. No words or lectures needed.
How to apologize without feeling shame
You assume they know how to say sorry properly.
But many teens only know apologies that come with humiliation. They've seen apologies used as punishment. So they avoid them.
That's why teaching them how to repair without crushing someone matters more than we think.
That parents can be wrong
This one is uncomfortable.
You assume they know you're human. But when you never say sorry, when you double down instead of softening, your teens learn that power means never admitting fault.
And then we wonder why they struggle with accountability.
How to say no to friends
You assume peer pressure is obvious. It really isn't.
It doesn't always look like someone daring them to do something reckless.
Most of the time it's quiet. It's the pause before they answer. The fear of being the only one left out. The worry that one no means no more invites.
Your teen doesn't always know how to set boundaries without risking connection. They're choosing between belonging and self-respect. And that's a hard call at this age.
When saying yes keeps the peace, saying no can feel dangerous. And this pattern doesn't always stay in the teenage years. It might go beyond these years.
That you actually want to hear the truth
Because you do. And you assume they know they can be honest with you.
But the thing is, they remember the times honesty blew up. The punishment for being honest. The disappointment they saw on your face. The long, unnecessary lectures.
So they edit.
Your teen's struggles often live right there. In between. Between truth and protecting themselves.
How much you're still watching
You think they know you notice the small stuff.
The effort they put in. The restraint. The kindness you didn't comment on.
Like when they walk away instead of snapping back.
When they help their siblings without even being asked.
When they almost say something rude and stop themselves.
You clock it. You feel that quiet pride. But you don't always say it out loud. Because you assume it's obvious.
But to them, silence feels like nothing. Like it didn't matter. Like nobody saw.
As it is, they're always wondering if you truly see them. Or if they're just too much. So saying something as simple as "I saw that". Or "I noticed you tried". Or even "Thanks for that" means so much more than you think.
That emotions don't make them dramatic
You assume they'll tough up. That they'll just learn to shrug stuff off because to you, whatever it is they're going through is too small to matter. So you say things to calm things down. You try and put things in perspective.
But to them, it sounds like, don't feel this. Don't be like this.
Their world is small but intense. School is their whole ecosystem. Friends are everything. One comment can replay for days.
When their feelings get brushed aside, they learn to do the same. To tell themselves they're overreacting even when something actually hurts.
We don't mean to brush their feelings aside. We just want them to be okay. But sometimes okay starts with letting those feelings exist.
That love doesn't just disappear during conflict
You assume they know you still love them even when you're upset at them. You've lived long enough to understand that frustration and love can exist at the same time. They haven't.
Teens are still learning emotional permanence. When voices rise or doors close, their body hears something else. They hear loss. They hear, maybe I messed this up forever.
An argument can feel like abandonment. Even silence can feel like withdrawal.
They don't always know that love stays regardless of the situation. And they need to hear that. Out loud. And especially when things feel messy. They need to feel and hear that security.
It's funny how having teens feels like everything speeds up, but on the other hand, you also need to slow down in your parenting.
To explain anyway what we think they know. To say things out loud that feel obvious to us but invisible to them.
This isn't about fixing your teen. They're not broken. It's about adjusting the space between you.
Having better communication with your teenagers isn't about talking their ear off. Sometimes it just means fewer assumptions.
You don't have to be perfect. You just need to be willing to be open enough to notice the gaps and step into them without armor.
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