15 UNFAIR DOUBLE STANDARDS WE PUT ON OUR KIDS EVERY DAY

Just imagine this.

You had a long day. Your head is buzzing. You forgot where you put your keys, again. You snapped at someone you love. Maybe you cried in the car before walking into work because, well....life is life, and sometimes it squeezes you a little too tight.

And at that moment, if someone looked at you and said, "Stop overacting. Why are you being so dramatic?" You'd probably want to crawl inside a pillow fort and not come out ever.

What's sad is when it comes to kids, somehow the rules change, and we forget things. Suddenly, these miniature humans, with sweet little tiny hearts and tiny emotional toolboxes, are expected to keep things together better than we do. Wild, right?

It's actually wild how it's okay when we forget things, lose our patience, have a meltdown, just because we're grown. But with our kids, they're just not allowed to. When the actually fact is they're still just learning how to exist. They're not smaller versions of us. They're brand new at life. Fresh. Untangled. Trying to make sense of feelings that don't even have names yet.

So yeah, it helps to remind ourselves. Especially when chaos is loud and everyone is one step away from a meltdown. They're not mini adults. They're just kids, trying. And we're trying too. And just because they are smaller does not mean their feelings matter less.

Of course, boundaries are still important. Teaching matters. But empathy is not the enemy. Understanding is not spoiling. Slowing down is not giving in. It's just parenting with fewer double standards and more heart.

So let's look at some of the most common double standards we put on our kids. The ones we don't always notice. The ones that might make you pause and go, yeah, that one stings.

The goal is to guilt yourself. The goal is to be more aware. A tiny shift. A little compassion for them, and for you too.

15 Unfair Double Standards We Put On Our Kids

We've all done this. I definitely have. And there's no shame in admitting it. What's important is that we're aware of it. And that awareness can let us be better parents.

Hungry adult = Hangry

Hungry kid = Throwing a fit

You know that moment when you've gone too long without eating and suddenly everything feels personal. Someone breathes wrong and you want to fight them. We call it hangry. We laugh about it. We say, I need food or I'm going to cry.

But with kids, hunger turns into, stop that behavior and use your words, and you're being ridiculous.

It always gets me when I remember their bodies are tiny, their blood sugar tanks way faster, and their brains are literally still under construction. Yet somehow we look at them like, hey, why can't you get yourself together. Make it make sense.

Maybe sometimes it really isn't bad behavior. Maybe it's just a snack situation just waiting to be solved.

Adults not hungry = I'll save you some food for later

Kids not hungry = Finish your food now

If you say you're not hungry right now, no one forces a fork down your throat. But when your kid says they're not hungry, we go into a rage. I'm guilty as charged for this.

We imagine that they're not getting enough of what they need, and having meltdowns. But then, kids have their internal signals too. Sometimes they're full. Sometimes they're overwhelmed. Sometimes they really are saving space for dessert, and yes, that's a conversation, not a battle. So maybe, we should pull back, and take a moment before we fill our own selves with anger.

Adults forget something = They have a lot on their minds

Kids forget something = They never listen

You forget birthdays, errands, appointments, email replies, where you put your wallet. It happens. Life is heavy.

But when your kid forgets their homework or their water bottle, we jump straight into labels. Lazy. Irresponsible. Not paying attention.

And we forget that their executive function skills are still growing. Their brains literally need more time. Forgetting is part of learning.

Adult cries over a sports game = Passionate

Kid cries leaving the park = Overreacting

A grown human can cry over a football score, and everyone says, wow that's real love. Passionate.

But a child sobs when it's time to go home from the playground, and suddenly it's an attitude problem. But loss is loss. Disappointment is disappointment. For them, that moment was the whole world. They are allowed to feel it.

Energetic adult = Productive

Energetic kid = Hyper and probably needs meds

Adults who move a lot are go-getters. Whilst kids who move a lot apparently have a problem we have to solve. It literally doesn't make sense when you say it out loud.

Their bodies are built to move. Their brains fire off new connections at a pace we can't even see. They need to wiggle and climb and stomp and dance and run around to shake all that energy loose. And yes, it can feel chaotic. Too loud. Too messy. But movement is just part of childhood. And maybe we don't need to rush to name it anything else.

Adult eating preferences = Respected

Kids' eating preferences = Picky or spoiled

We have preferences. You might not like broccoli, and that's fine, but we'd force-feed it to our kids even if they hate it, because it's good for them, right? We tell them to just eat it anyway. And not to be spoiled. We label them as picky.

But we forget kids are still getting used to food. Their taste buds are sharper than what we have. Some textures feel like sand or slime, or static in their mouth.

It's not always a manipulation thing. Sometimes it's their senses trying to protect them from something that feels wrong. Sometimes it's just a preference that might change later. We have to remember that they're still learning what their body likes.

Talkative adult = Friendly and outgoing

Talkative kid = Rude or talks too much

You know how people love that one person who always has stories, always has something to say, and we call them outgoing or charismatic. Now imagine a kid doing that. Suddenly it's too much. Be quiet. Stop interrupting. Stop with the questions. And yes, sometimes it can be a bit much, especially when you're already stretched thin.

But the question is how their brain understands things. Talking is how they build connections. Curiosity keeps their world big. And we shouldn't shrink it just to make ours quieter.

Shy adult = Introverted

Shy kid = Rude

It's funny how adults can scroll on their phone at a family gathering and everyone minds their own business. But when your kid quietly clings to you and suddenly there's pressure. Go talk. Go play. Why are you being like that. And sometimes the kid is not trying to be difficult. They are just shy.

Shyness is not disrespect. It's a pacing thing. Some kids enter the world slower. Some kids want to observe before jumping in. Some kids need a familiar anchor, a parent close by, before they feel okay.

Adults in a bad mood = Rough day

Kids in a bad mood = Bad attitude

You get grumpy, and people say, yeah I get it.

Kids get grumpy, and we dive into discipline mode. But they have rough days too. Hard school moments. Friend conflicts. Growing pains.

They deserve space to feel off without being punished for it.

Adults make a mistake = Nobody's perfect

Kids make a mistake = How many times do I have to tell you

Mistakes are literally how we learn. We mess up, we try again, we adjust. Adults get to do that. But with our kids, we give them three warnings and expect mastery. Like their brains are magic and they should just know.

We ask, "How many times do I have to tell you?" and maybe that's the wrong question. Because learning takes a thousand tries sometimes. A thousand reminders. And maybe the answer to that question is, as many times as it takes for their brain to grow into it.

Adult quits a job they hate = Prioritizing mental health

Kid quits a sport = They need commitment

We get scared they'll quit everything if we let them quit one thing. But life isn't a straight line, is it? We quit jobs. We quit relationships. We quit habits that hurt. And we call that growth.

Kids get to have that too. And when they want to quit, maybe ask why with curiosity instead of fear. Sometimes it's laziness, sure. But sometimes, it's their inner voice saying, this isn't who I am. They are not failing. They are finding themselves. And that matters more than finishing something that breaks them down.

Tired adult = Just needs a break

Tired kid = Cranky and annoying

We talk about self-care like it's basic survival. But when kids need the same thing, we treat it like bad behavior. Stop whining, go sit down, why are you like this.

And maybe it's simple. They are tired. And tired humans get messy. We do it too. Rest is not optional. They need rest, not guilt. Not for adults, not for kids. Their bodies need time and space to reset so they can be themselves again.

Adults co-sleeping = Bonding

Kids co-sleeping = Spoiled

It's interesting how two adults can sleep side by side and we call it comfort. Intimacy. Bonding. But a child crawls into bed and the alarms go off. They'll never learn to sleep alone. You're spoiling them. They'll be too dependent.

But some nights, kids just need us. Maybe they just want closeness. They want a warm body next to theirs because the world felt too big that day. They want to feel safe. That's just being human.

Adult not wanting to share = Boundaries

Kids not wanting to share = Selfish

Adults hold onto their favorite things. Their pens. Their snacks. Their clothes. Their gadgets. And we say, that's fair. Personal belongings matter.

But we want our kids to pass their favorite toy to a kid they met two minutes ago because it's polite. Look, sharing is beautiful, yes. But so are boundaries.

Adult gets hurt = Are you okay

Kid gets hurt = You're fine, get up

When an adult trips, everyone stops. Are you okay? Do you need a minute? But when a kid falls, we rush past it. You're fine. Get up. Shake it off. Maybe it's because we're scared it'll turn into a full meltdown or we just don't have it in us for another big feeling at 4 pm on a Tuesday.

But sometimes all they need is a pause. A quick check. A little hug. To make them feel they're safe.

Maybe you felt a sting in some of these. A little ache. A little yeah, I do that and I hate that I do that. You're not alone in it.

None of us got a parenting manual. We're all just doing what we can. Trying. Repairing. Trying again. And maybe this is just a reminder to pay attention. To see the double standard we put on our kids and soften them when we can. To give them the same grace you ask for when your own day falls apart.

Your kids are human too. They're newer at it and they're still learning.

And you're learning too. And honestly, that's what matters.

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