There are endless articles and posts on what a son needs from his mom and I get that, we are always looking for the best interest of our children.
My 15 year old I'm sure is going through so many things in his life right now. Multi-tasking between school projects, sports, social activities, friends can't be easy. I try and stay out of his hair so as to not add on to the existing pressures of being a teenager.
In his whirlwind of a life that he is going through, occasionally I can't help but feel like I'm fighting for time and space to be heard - if he wants to hear me at all. I can say with some certainty that it's really hard to tell how much my son wants me to be involved in his life currently with all that's already going on. More and more I find it a challenge to find or spend quality time with my son and most often than not those little fleeting moments that we do have together in conversation is a victory for me! I realise that I need to find ways to bond with my son but currently, the few minutes we have spread throughout the day is all we can manage and that's okay.
Recently, I have noticed that every time, I asked about homework or school projects, the tone I receive is defensive, feels as if I'm overstepping and not trusting. I have all the trust and confidence in my son and as a mother I ask and am concerned at times, as mother should be, especially when he spends too much time on video games.
I completely understand the changes that my son is going through now he's 15 going on 16 in a few months. The need to pull away from me to find his own space and to venture out into being his own person. Not only do I understand it but I respect it as a normal developmental stage of a teenage boy. I don't take him not wanting to spend time with me as a personal rejection but sometimes I can't help but.
As I stand aside, observe and take in all the changes that's going on with my son and the relationship that we currently have, I cannot help but realise that as much he needs me to understand him and the challenges that he is going through, as a mom, and a single one to an only child, there are some things that I do need from my son.
Understand that I too am learning how to navigate through your teenage years so be kind and patient with me.
Encouragement. There's no handbook on mothering. Every mother is different, every child is different, every situation is different - there's no real handbook we can refer to. Most often than not I'm winging it and following my gut so a bit of encouragement would be a nice acknowledgement that you think I'm doing okay and to carry on.
Understand that I too am a human being and I make mistakes, throw temper tantrums and am not perfect! And its okay! We are okay - temper tantrums (though not often, I do apologise for these) will pass. I am doing my best I can the best way I know how.
Thoughtfulness. A kind note. A thoughtful gesture - even unexpectedly taking the rubbish out would do it for me! You do ask me how my day went when I come home from work and I truly appreciate that.
Understand that though I do give you a lot of freedom and the space that you need, it doesn't mean that I don't care. I might not pry it out of you (even when I feel like it sometimes), I do like when you fill me in on what's happening in school and with your friends - with you in general.
Realise that I am a nonjudgmental space that you can come to for whatever it is that is going on in your life.
Know that no matter how old you get that I WILL worry. I'll worry if you're sad, or tired, or safe, or hungry, or bored, or frustrated or lonely......any many more. Worrying was included in the package when I become a mom so I'm sorry if it's annoying but I can't help it!
Most of all, what I need from you is to know that I love you and with all the chaos in your world right now, I hope you are happy and I will always support you and have your back no matter the situation!
I am here for you for anything you may need and in the meantime, I'll just settle for being your personal chef, laundromat, cleaner, alarm clock, reminder, driver, personal assistant, snack supplier and ATM machine!