FINDING PURPOSE IN LIFE AFTER 50

life after kids and a journey of rediscovery......

I want to open up about a journey some of us embark on, especially as we cross the golden mark of 50.

For many of us, it's a journey of self-discovery, a path to finding our purpose in the later chapters of our lives. Often, we find ourselves standing at the crossroads, looking back at the years that have gone by and behind us, and wondering, "What now?" It's a question that echoes in our hearts and our minds, and I'm here to tell you, that you're not alone.

Whether you're approaching 50, have gracefully stepped over it, or are waving at it from a distance, this is for you.

Frustrations About Midlife and Feeling the Loss of Your Sense of Self

As we step into our 50s, we often find ourselves in a whirlwind of emotions. It's like being on a rollercoaster that no one really talks about. We've spent decades building a life, nurturing our families, building and climbing career ladders, and suddenly, there's a quietness, a lull that wasn't there before.

For some of us, it's the kids leaving home, for others, it's retirement or the longing for a change in a career that no longer fulfills us. We look in the mirror, and amidst the laughter lines and silver strands, we often ask, "Who am I beyond all the roles I've played?"

It's not uncommon to feel a sense of loss – loss of youth, loss of roles that once defined us, or even a loss of purpose. This period can bring a sense of restlessness, a yearning for something more, something meaningful that we can't quite put our finger on.

As a single mom who has devoted much of my life to raising my son and building a career, stepping into my 50s, I found myself in a quiet house, the constant buzz of having to balance with my child and work, has simmered down. My son, now a young adult, is slowly making his own way in the world. Needing me less and less, except for the occasional meals for when he's at home and of course, laundry! I do literally any little thing that he does ask of me, because that's my way of holding on to whatever it is that is left of this phase of being a mom. Motherhood will look different once he is fully out into the world and fully independent.

Looking in the mirror and noticing how the grey in my hair was becoming more prominent in lesser time, how the lines around my eyes spoke of laughter and tears, of decades lived, there is a sense of pride in what I see, but also an undeniable sense of loss.

The roles that have defined me for so long are shifting, and I feel like I am losing a grip on my identity.

It isn't just about aging physically. It is more profound than that. It is a sense of mourning for my youth, for the times when I felt like I had a clear purpose – raising my son, building a career, and being there for my small family. And now, with all that slowly passing me by, I'm starting to feel aimless, as if floating without direction.

Once filled with noise and chaos, the house feels eerily silent - welcoming, yet different. I sometimes do miss the mess and chaos, I still am blessed with laughter every now and then but I wished it was like the old days, and the nightly family dinners. My son, being caught up with his own journey into adulthood, with my very own transition, we are both grappling with our own new realities.

I find myself having more time but struggling to know what to do with it. Afraid to venture out just in case I'm needed, but as I wait, and wait, I realize that I'm not really needed.

After all those years of putting the needs of my son and everything else ahead of my own, it feels foreign to me to want to focus on myself.

I realize that this isn't just my journey. It is a shared experience among many of us crossing into this new phase of life. We were all trying to figure out who we were in this next chapter, beyond the roles that had so long defined us.

This period of my life, while challenging, has also opened my eyes to a universal truth – change is inevitable, and how we adapt and grow with it is what truly defines us.

8 Ways to Manage These Feelings and Finding Purpose After 50

As I crossed into my 50s, I found myself standing at this very crossroads. Reflecting on the years gone by, I realized that while I had nurtured my family, built a career, and created a lifetime of memories, there was a nagging feeling of uncertainty about what lay ahead.

But I've come to realize there's opportunity in this phase too. Life has come full circle. We're technically back in the same place we started, where the road ahead is wide open again. It's not too late to find purpose again in your life. To rediscover yourself. To go back to who you were or to recreate who you want to be.

Here's what actually helped me. Not a checklist, just the things I tried, some that worked and some that didn't, on my way to finding purpose after 50.

Embrace the Change

I used to think embracing change meant feeling okay about it right away. It doesn't. For me it looked like sitting in my kitchen, making dinner for one, and just letting myself feel weird about it instead of rushing to fix the feeling. I didn't journal about it or turn it into a lesson. I just let it be uncomfortable. Somewhere in that discomfort, I stopped fighting the fact that this new chapter had already started whether I was ready or not. That was the actual first step, not some big realization, just quietly letting go of the version of my life that used to fill every hour.

Rediscover Old Passions

Before my son was born, I used to write. Not blog posts, just messy notebooks full of half finished thoughts. Somewhere around his teenage years that habit disappeared completely, buried under school runs and deadlines and everything else motherhood and work life demands of you. Then I found one of those old notebooks in a drawer while I was clearing out some space. I sat on the floor and read through pages I hadn't seen in over a decade. I didn't pick up writing again that same day, but I started this blog not long after.

Whatever you loved before life got busy, it's probably still there, waiting for you to remember it existed.

Explore New Interests

After her daughter left for college, a friend of mine going through this stage of her life signed up for a pottery class last year, mostly because she always wanted to try it. She said she was terrible at it. Her first bowl did look more like a lopsided ashtray. But she said there was something about sitting at that wheel, hands covered in clay, thinking about absolutely nothing but the shape in front of her, that she hadn't felt in years. It wasn't about being good at it. It was about doing something purely because she wanted to, with no one depending on the outcome.

If there's something you've always been curious about, this is your sign to just try it badly.

Connect with Like-minded Individuals

For the longest time, most of my friendships revolved around our kids, school WhatsApp groups, birthday parties, the usual. When my son got older and needed me less, I noticed a lot of those friendships quietly faded too, because we didn't have much left to talk about. I started showing up to a small women's group near where I live, mostly moms around my age going through similar shifts. The first few meetups felt awkward, I won't pretend otherwise. But a few months in, those women became people I could actually be honest with about this stage of life.

Find your people. They're probably out there feeling just as unsure as you are.

Give Back

A neighbor of mine runs a small tuition program for kids in our area who need extra help with schoolwork. She asked if I'd be willing to help out one afternoon a week, and I said yes mostly to get out of the house. What I didn't expect was how much I'd look forward to it. There's a particular kind of fulfillment that comes from showing up for someone who isn't your own child, using the years of patience motherhood taught you for someone else's benefit. It gave me a sense of purpose that had nothing to do with being needed at home, and everything to do with choosing to be needed elsewhere.

Prioritize Self-Care

I used to think self-care was bubble baths and face masks, and sure, those are nice. But the version that actually changed something for me was smaller and less pretty. It was going to bed at a reasonable hour instead of scrolling until 1am out of habit. It was finally seeing a doctor about a nagging shoulder pain I'd been ignoring for two years because I never had the time before. Taking care of myself physically and emotionally started to feel less like indulgence and more like something I owed myself after decades of putting everyone else first.

Set New Goals

For years, my goals were entirely about my son. Get him through school, get him settled, get him ready for the world. I never had to think about what I wanted separately from that. Last year I wrote down a small, slightly ridiculous goal. I've only made it to one so far. But having something on the horizon that belongs only to me, that isn't tied to anyone else's needs, has given me something to look forward to on the quiet days when the house feels a little too empty.

Seek Professional Guidance

I want to be honest about this one. There was a stretch where the sense of loss got heavier than I could sort through on my own, and I finally spoke to someone about it. I put it off for months because some part of me felt like I should be able to handle it myself, especially after handling everything else for so long. Talking to someone who had no personal stake in my life helped me untangle a lot of what I was carrying.

If you're at that point too, please don't wait as long as I did.

Always remember, crossing 50 is about painting new strokes on the canvas of your life, whatever that looks like for you. It's a time to rediscover who you are and all that you can still become.

Your feelings are valid. Your desires matter. Your dreams are still achievable. Embrace this chapter with an open heart, because the best really might still be ahead of you.

Finding purpose and joy after 50 is a deeply personal and unique journey for each of us. It's about redefining what matters most, rediscovering the joys in the small things, and embracing every moment with an open heart and mind.

As we continue on this path, let's remember to cherish these years for the wonderful opportunities they bring to grow, learn, and find happiness in new and unexpected ways.