HOW TO KEEP YOUR KIDS SAFE: 6 PROTECTIVE LIES TO TEACH YOUR KIDS

We spend so much time drilling honesty into our kids, right?

We lecture them about telling the truth, not lying, and being honest. But the thing is, honestly doesn't always keep them safe. We realize even as adults that sometimes, in certain situations, the smartest, safest thing we can do is to bend the truth a little.

This is not about raising our kids to lie. It's about giving them enough tools for them to be able to handle uncomfortable or even dangerous situations, especially when we're not around.

The truth is, I'd rather my kid know how to lie his way out of a sketchy situation than feel trapped because he didn't want to "break the rules" or didn't know what to say.

I remember once, when someone my son didn't know approached him at the playground and asked him questions that he wasn't at all comfortable with. He gave that person what he needed, but it was not the truth. He ran home to tell me what had happened. He was proud of the fact that he handled the situation the way he did, that he followed his gut, and I was too! I was proud that he followed his gut and knew what to do in that moment.

I wasn't teaching him to be dishonest. But that being dishonest in some situations is actually necessary. And to know what these situations were. I'm also not trying to scare him, but it's about survival, especially in the world we live in.

And if you've ever had that knot in your stomach about your child walking home alone or being approached by someone who gives off bad vibes, you get it.

How To Keep Your Kids Safe With These Protective Lies

Here are six situations where I believe it's not only okay, but actually necessary, to teach your kids how to lie. So, how do you keep your kids safe with these protective lies?

When a stranger asks if their parents are home

Picture this. For some reason, your kid is home alone and someone knocks, asking, "Are your parents here?" The last thing you want is your kid saying, "Nope, I'm alone!" That's basically an open invitation.

Instead, teach them to say, "Yes, my mom is busy," or "My dad's upstairs." Even if nobody is there.

That tiny fib can protect them from danger. And it's quick, easy, and believable. Practice it with them. Roleplay. Ask the question and let them answer with the line. It should roll off their tongue easily, so they don't freeze up if it ever happens.

When someone is following them or making them feel uncomfortable

This one really scares me.

If your child feels like somebody's following them, or they have this person who just won't stop trying to talk to them, they need a phrase that can say that imply that they're not alone. At least not alone for long.

Something like, "My dad's coming from that store" or "My mom's waiting for me." It doesn't matter if it's not true. The point is, it gives the impression that backup is close by.

Also, tell them to keep moving. Don't stop, don't engage further. Just throw out the line and head straight to a safe place, whether that's a shop, another mom, or even a group of other adults.

Escaping an uncomfortable offer

Like a ride.

We've all been there, the stories that make your stomach drop. A car slows down, and someone offers them a ride. You don't want your kid hesitating or scrambling for words.

Give them the script. "No thanks, my mom is picking me up any minute now." That's it. Firm, polite, final.

This one is huge because predators look for hesitation. And if your kid sounds unsure, they'll keep pushing. A confident no, backed up with a believable excuse, shuts it down.

And again, practice this. Make it second nature.

When asked for personal details

This one is tricky because you know how honest kids can be, and they love to overshare without realizing the risk or the consequences.

Someone asks their name, what school they go to, or where they live. You really want your kid to know that it's completely okay to either say nothing or to give out fake details. "I go to a school nearby." Or even just, "I don't share that."

Teach them to keep it simple. No need for long stories. Just one line to protect their privacy. Because once that information is out, it's out.

When using a family code

This is one of my favorites because it feels proactive. Choose a secret family code word. Something no one outside your family knows.

If someone tries to pick them up and doesn't know the word, your kid knows it's a no. And if they need to stall, they can say, "I have to tell my uncle over there first." It's a clever way of buying time while they get to safety.

Make the secret code something fun. Practice it until it sticks.

And remind them it's serious business, and not something they share with people outside of your family.

When someone tells them to keep a secret

This one is huge too.

If anyone tells your child, "Don't tell your parents," that's the biggest red flag of all. And here's where you give your permission to lie. They can say, "Okay, I won't tell anyone," just to get out of that situation.

But the real rule? They tell you immediately after. Always.

Kids can freeze up easily if someone dumps that kind of pressure on them. It can be because of many different things. They can be worried about getting in trouble, worried about breaking a promise, and suddenly, they don't know what to do.

That's why you have to give them a ready-made line. A plan. Something they can fall back on when their brain goes blank.

And most importantly, remind them again and again that you'll never be mad at them for coming to you with something like that. That you'd rather they tell you, even if it feels messy, than keep it to themselves.

At the end of it all, this isn't about raising liars. This is about raising kids who can protect themselves when we're not there.

Life isn't neat. Sometimes we have to bend the rules, and that's okay. These little protective lies aren't sneaky or bad. They're life-saving tools.

So pick a couple of these, and practice them with your kids. Do it in the care. Do it while cooking. Make it casual so it sticks.

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