WHAT TEENAGE SONS REALLY NEED TO HEAR FROM THEIR MOMS

I have no words that come close to this feeling I have inside whenever I think about my son. As a single mom, my son is my life, and everything I do is for him.

I've lost time here and there with him, when he was younger, because of work. I needed to work that much more because I wanted to give him the world. I didn't want him to feel like he had to miss out on anything just because I was doing it on my own and was struggling.

Whatever it is, I've always made it a point to make sure that our relationship will always be a close one. I wanted him to be able to come to me for anything. I wanted to be the first person he called if he was in trouble. The person he called if he was happy about something. The person he looked for to share something that happened. The person he'd look for if he needed some backup. And I'm proud to say that I am (for the most part, at least).

Some time ago, he told me that he and his friends were discussing about who they'll call if they ever got into trouble and he said they were all trying to figure out who to call. But to him, it was a no-brainer; he'd call me. And that? That was a giant compliment for me.

Mind you, these boys never get into any real trouble, but I guess it's nice to daydream about it? I don't know.

I try my hardest when it comes to my son. To be the best mom to him. But I don't always know if I'm saying the right things. I don't always know if he's even hearing me. But whatever it is, I keep showing up anyway. I keep saying these things. Even when he's in one of his moods and barely looks at me. Even when he gives me that "ugh, mom" face.

Because I know it matters. I know he needs to hear these things from me, even if he acts like he doesn't.

8 Things Your Teenage Son Needs To Hear From You

"You don't need to have everything figured out right now"

Your teen son carries so much more than we think they do.

Sometimes I catch him zoning out, and I wonder what's in his head. But when you think about it, there's so much that goes on in there. Things like school, meeting expectations (yours and his), the changes happening in their bodies, the uncertainty of the future. All that and trying to act like nothing bothers them.

I like to gently remind my son, in a not-so-direct way, that he's still figuring out and it's ok and normal to not know what you wants to do or be. Or have a plan, or be good at everything, or anything. You're allowed to just be right now.

And I also tell him even I am still trying to figure things out, and that's okay. Life is not picture perfect, and sometimes even when we plan things, life has its own plan for us. So it's okay if he wants to take his time. He just doesn't need to have everything figured out right now.

And I swear I see him breathe a little easier when I say that, even if he doesn't say anything back.

"You can always talk to me.....even if it's bad"

This one hurts.

Because sometimes they do tell us something hard. Something that makes us panic. But I've learned that the goal is never to shut it down. Not with shock. Not with lectures. Not with "what were you thinking?!"

Just listen. Even if your heart's racing. Even if you're holding your breath. Even if you're screaming inside.

Because the fact that he came to you at all? That's everything.

Always being there for your teenage son also means being there even when it's uncomfortable. It means being steady when they're shaky. It means showing up with love first, even when your instincts are screaming.

He already knows if he messed up. He already knows you have every right to be mad. But what he really wants is for you to be that safe place for him to come to. Like he did when he was younger.

"I'm proud of who you are. Not just what you do"

Not for the grades. Not for cleaning up. Not for scoring the goal.

But just for being him.

I name it out loud now, like he's kind and patient to somebody, when I know if it were me, I would've flipped. Or in the way he carried himself in a group of people he didn't know. Or in the way he defended his thoughts and beliefs during a conversation with someone much, much older. Or in the way he never lets failure define who he is. Or in the way he gets back up no matter how many times he falls.

I will always let him know how proud I am of him, just being him. And because your son needs to know how proud you are of him, just because he exists.

Because raising a teenage son also means watching them grow into men, and if we only praise the achievements, they'll think that's what their worth is tied to. And if you look closely, it's not all in the big things. There are a million little things about him that you're proud of too. So tell him.

"You don't have to be tough all the time"

Oh this one.

This one makes me want to cry. Because sometimes I see it in his eyes. The slight crack in his voice. That quiet shutdown.

Like he wants to say more, but doesn't know how. Like he's trying to hold on to the version of a boy the world has been telling him to be.

So if you see that or even sense that, tell him that it's okay to feel stuff. We all do, and no one is excluded from feeling. He doesn't have to pretend to be okay when he's not.

Tell him that he can cry. Be mad. Be hurt. He doesn't have to carry it all inside. No one should.

"I love you, even when I'm not my best"

Some days you lose your patience. Sometimes you say something too sharp. Some days, you overreact because you're scared, or you're too tired, or you're just overwhelmed.

But always come back to him and say, "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair. I love you, even when I mess up".

Because raising a teenage son doesn't mean being perfect.

It just means being honest. Real. Human. He needs to see that too.

"I trust you"

This one feels risky sometimes.

Especially when you know he's getting himself out there. Doing new things. Figuring out his independence.

But I still say it, even if it's followed by 47 questions about where he's going and who he's with. But he's gotten used to it, and he'll always indulge me.

If he hears "I trust you to make smart choices. I trust your heart. I trust what I've taught you" enough times, I hope he starts to believe that about himself.

"I'm always here for you"

Even when you push me away. Even when you don't want to talk. Even when you shut the door, put on headphones, and say "I'm fine" for the fourth time today.

I'm still here.

Not just when you need something. Not just when things are going right.

But just....here.

Raising a teenage son is learning to stay close without hovering, to be present without being overwhelming. It's learning to hold space in silence.

"I love you"

I know it sounds simple. Sometimes we just say it a lot out of habit. Sometimes we don't say it as much because we think they already know.

But I say it more now than ever. Not just when he leaves the house. But in texts. In notes. In little moments that don't feel important. Even when he shrugs. Or rolls his eyes. Or mutters, "okay, you too".

Because I never want him to wonder. Not for a second.

If you're still reading.....

Then maybe you're raising a teenage son too. And maybe you're tired. Or emotional. Or just not sure if you're getting it right.

You are.

He might not say it. But he feels it. He hears you, even in the quiet moments.

He's learning from the way you love him. From the way you're always there for him. All showing up, even when he doesn't make it easy.

You're doing the most important job in the world.

And even if no one claps. Even if you cry in the bathroom. Even if you doubt yourself constantly. You are raising your teenage son with your whole heart.

And that's enough.

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