7 IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP RULES TO TEACH YOUR SONS EARLY

If you're raising boys, you already know friendships can get complicated. One week he has a best friend. The next week that same friend sits with a different group at lunch, and your son suddenly becomes quiet on the ride home. He himself is trying to understand what happened. Contemplating whether he did something wrong.

Raising boys means watching them figure out who to trust, and you can't be there for most of it. You can't hear what gets said on the bus. You can't see what happens in the group chat or what happens during lunch.

What you can do is plant a few ideas early. You can start telling them casually at dinner or whilst watching a movie. You'll be talking to your boys about making friends when they're really young because you know they need you to guide them. To tell them how to. And what to say. But don't forget your 12-year-old or even your 16-year-old, because making friends and knowing what to look out for at that age is even harder.

Friends are so important for boys. They matter more than most of us realize.

They're the ones he'll tell things he'd never tell you. They shape how he sees himself, what he cares about, and how he handles the hard days.

When you're raising boys, it's easy to focus on grades and chores and screen time, and still miss how much of his heart is tied up in who he sits with at lunch. A good friend can make him feel like he actually belongs in the world. A bad one can make him doubt who he is.

That is why the way he learns to pick his friends is worth your time.

Here are seven friendship rules that are worth sharing with your son.

Real Friends Don't Push You To Earn Your Place

Picture the boy who works so hard to be funny that every joke feels as if it's a test. Or that one boy who has to act tough around certain kids, so he hides what he actually likes.

When you're raising boys, you start to notice how many of them think that belonging needs to be earned. They think, and they believe that they have to be cool enough, or fearless enough, or good at the right things.

You can explain to your son that a friend who makes him constantly prove himself isn't really a friend yet. The right friends let him show up just as he is. They like him for being just him. He can be goofy or quiet, and he can love gaming or drawing. Nobody's really keeping score.

Ask him how he feels after he spends time with his friends. Does he feel relaxed or does he feel like he was performing all afternoon? You'll probably be able to see it on his face, but ask him anyway. That feeling he feels will tell him a lot.

Raising boys who actually pay attention to how their friends make them feel gives them a compass they'll be able to use for the rest of their lives.

Never Do Something Dangerous Just To Impress People

You know the lines, "Come on, I dare you". "Prove you're a man". "Everyone else is doing it".

Boys hear these words at every age. When you're raising boys, you start to realize how much of the pressure comes down to one fear, which is looking weak in front of other boys.

Your son needs to know that walking away takes more courage than giving in. It sounds backwards to a kid who's standing in the middle of a dare, so you may need to say it more than once.

You can give him an exit line in advance just to prepare him for moments like these. Something short and easy, like "Nah, I'm good" or "Not my thing". When he practices these words, he doesn't have to invent them while his heart is pounding.

You can also tell him he can always blame you. "My mom would take my phone for a month" works just fine. Let him use you as an excuse. Plenty of boys have walked away from a bad situation because a parent gave them a way out that didn't cost them face.

Don't Laugh at Someone Just to Fit In

This one is sad because almost every kid has been on both sides of it.

The group laughs. Everyone joins in. Maybe your son joins in too, because staying quiet feels risky. Then he comes home with a knot in his stomach and doesn't know why. Actually he probably does, and he feels bad about it.

Raising boys who are kind in a group takes practice, because the group has its own pull. You can tell your son that when someone is being humiliated, he doesn't have to take part. He doesn't have to make a speech or start a fight. He can simply not laugh. He can say something to stop it, look away, change the subject, or walk over and sit next to the boy who's being picked on.

Being kind takes strength. A boy who stays decent when it would be easier to go along has more backbone than the loudest kid in the room. Tell him you see that quality in him, and tell him often. Boys who hear that kindness is respected at home will start believing it.

Read also. How To Raise Kind Kids

Choose Friends Who Make You A Better Person

Friends tend to shape what feels normal. They influence how he talks and how he spends his free time. They also shape what he puts up with.

If you're raising boys, you've probably noticed your son picking up new words, new jokes, and a new attitude after a week with certain kids. That's how friendship works at any age.

You can talk to your son about the friends he spends time with. Skip the interrogation. Try asking, "Who makes you feel like a better version of yourself?" and see what he says. Your son will know the answer right away, even if he doesn't say it out loud to you.

Tell him to stay close to people whose habits he respects. The boy who shows up for practice, treats people well and tells the truth is worth sticking with. His habits will rub off in the best way.

You don't have to pick his friends for him. Raising boys who can pick their friends for themselves is the real goal, and it starts with helping them look out for who lifts them up.

Learn to Say "No" Without Explaining Yourself

"No".

"I don't want to".

"Nah, I'm not doing that".

They're all full sentences, and your son doesn't owe anybody a performance to justify the boundaries he's setting for himself.

Many boys feel they need a good excuse before they can turn something down. They'll invent a story or make up a reason, and sometimes they'll go along with something they hate because they can't find the right words.

You can show him that a plain no is enough. Practice it at home, even in small ways. When he doesn't want a hug from a relative or doesn't want to share something, let his no stand. You're teaching him that you respect his no, and he'll expect the same from his friends.

This matters more as he gets older. Raising a boy who can set a boundary calmly, without a long explanation, protects them in their friendships, at school, and later in relationships.

A boy who can say no confidently is a boy who feels safe being himself. Not only that but he will also learn to respect other people's boundaries.

Read also. How to Set Healthy Boundaries With Your Kids

Be the Friend You'd Want to Have

Tell your son to keep his word. Show up. Tell the truth. Protect his friends' dignity. Celebrate their wins. And never use their weakness against them.

That's the whole list, and it covers a lot of ground. A good character matters more than popularity, and boys can learn that early.

Think about what your son wants from a friend. He wants someone loyal who doesn't spread his secrets and who cheers when he does well. Then you can ask him, gently, whether he's being that kind of friend too.

You can point out the small moments you've noticed. When he stuck up for a buddy. When he kept a secret he could have spilled, let him know that took real loyalty. Raising boys who value character means catching them doing the right thing and saying so.

Your son also watches how you treat your own friends. Let him see you call someone back, show up for a neighbor, or celebrate a friend's good news. He's learning from you more than you realize.

If a Friendship Requires You to Become Someone You're Not, Walk Away

This might be the hardest one of all.

The goal isn't to have the biggest group. What is important is having a few people he can trust when life gets hard. When your son knows the difference between belonging and fitting in, he will have an easier time through the teenage years.

Fitting in means changing yourself to match the group. Belonging is when the group likes you as you are. You can say that to your son plainly, and you can come back to it whenever he's struggling with a friend.

Walking away from a friendship is painful, especially at an age when everything feels like a social life or death moment. He might feel lonely for a bit. Tell him that's okay, and tell him you'll be right there. When your son knows he has a safe place at home, he'll be more confident in leaving a space that doesn't feel safe.

Raising boys who trust themselves enough to walk away is one of the biggest gifts you can give them. It's also one of the hardest things to watch, so go easy on him and yourself when it happens.

Raising boys takes years of small, ordinary conversations. Some will land and some will get an eye roll. He's still listening, even when you think he isn't.

Years from now, when he's standing in a hallway or a parking lot and someone dares him to do something he doesn't want to do, he might hear your voice in his head. At least you hope so. And that's what all of this is for.

Save this post for the next time you need the words, and share it with another parent who's raising boys too.

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