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Let's be honest with ourselves - we've all made mistakes in our parenting journey.
As much as our kids are learning all about life, we too are learning about parenting. It didn't come with a manual and it never will but we rely on each other for advice and we also learn through the experiences of others.
I'd like to say that it's all 'part of the learning process', but when we make mistakes as a parent it sneaks up on us and makes our journey harder than it needs to be. Now, this isn't about pointing fingers or making anyone feel bad. We've all been there, and the truth is, being a single mom is tough enough without us beating ourselves up over every misstep.
This is more about recognizing those mistakes, learning from them, and finding ways to thrive despite the challenges.
So, let's see what these 12 mistakes are and how we can turn them around to make our lives a little bit easier and a whole lot happier!
Mistakes You're Making As A Single Mom
1. Not taking care of yourself
I cannot emphasize this enough! You can't put your best self forward for your kids if you're not caring for yourself. This can be in many forms, whether mentally, physically, or emotionally. Taking care of yourself doesn't mean a day spent at the spa ( it can, but whoever has the time! ) - I mean it could, but it doesn't have to especially when we're juggling so much as it is.
Taking care of yourself can just mean spending a few minutes, or how many minutes you have, doing something that benefits you. It can be a meditation session in your room, a 30-minute read, a 10-minute walk, a bath, or spending a few minutes just by yourself.
Taking care of yourself can be whatever it is you need to operate better. You might need to fit in a 30-minute exercise session in your day to feel good about yourself, then schedule it in and make it a routine.
2. Prioritizing work
I know it's tough. I've been there. You have bills to pay and you need to work, you work all hours and sometimes on weekends. We're chasing that paycheck or thinking about getting that promotion so we can earn more and be able to provide better for our kids.
But trust me when I tell you that you need to dig deep to find the right balance between working and spending time with your kids. You are replaceable at work but you're not replaceable at home. Your family is your real life so invest your time in that.
My biggest regret is prioritizing my work over my son when he was younger. Yes, what I did, allowed me to send him to a good school, take him on holidays, and give him all he wanted, but I will NEVER, EVER get back the time I lost with him. That lost time still plays on my mind to this day (and he's 20!), it's a kind of loss that's similar to grief - to me, it's not worth it!
Make your kids your priority, it can be a struggle with a lot going on but you'll understand that it'd be the best decision you'd ever make in the long run.
3. Not asking for help
When they say it takes a village - it really does especially for us, single moms. As much as we think that we are strong and determined single moms, which we truly are, we still need help from time to time. You'd like to say that you can do it on your own - but sometimes you simply cannot. And that's okay!
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of wisdom and strength. Whether it's asking a friend to watch the kids for a couple of hours so you can get some errands done, or reaching out to a family member for emotional support, there is no shame in it.
Build a support network that you can rely on. This can include friends, family, neighbors, or even other single moms who understand your situation. Sometimes we hesitate to ask for help because we don't want to burden others or we think we should be able to handle everything ourselves. But remember, everyone needs help at some point.
By asking for help, you are not only making your life easier but also setting a positive example for your kids. They learn that it’s okay to lean on others and are an essential part of life.
4. Not organizing your days
Let's face it - managing your days as a single mom juggling work, kids, household chores, life admin stuff and a whole host of things can be overwhelming. If you're not scheduling and organizing your tasks and things to do on a daily, you will feel as if your life is closing in on you.
Having a chaotic schedule can lead to missed appointments, forgotten things to do, and along with it unnecessary stress. To combat this, make it a habit to plan your days in advance. Whether it's the night before or early in the morning, take a few minutes to jot down your priorities and tasks for the day.
Having a daily or weekly planner can be a lifesaver. Write down literally everything that needs to be done, including work commitments, your kid's activities, chores, and personal time. Doing this and prioritizing what needs to be done helps you focus on what's most important and steers you away from being overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things that need your attention.
Remember organization is key to maintaining your sanity!
5. Not saving for the future
We get so caught up in the day-to-day grind that actually saving for the future often falls behind. We know at some point we have to, but the earlier you start the better the outcome will be.
It can be hard especially if we're living paycheck to paycheck, but even small amounts can add up over time. It's so important to set aside some money regularly, no matter how small the amount may be. Doing this will not only help you with unexpected expenses but it also helps in planning for long-term goals like your kids' education or even your retirement.
Start by creating a simple budget to track your income and expenses. Look for areas you can cut back, even just a little, and put the extra into savings. You might want to consider opening a separate savings account to keep this money out of easy reach, making it less tempting to spend.
Automating some money into your savings account is a great way to make sure that you actually save every month.
Remember, the goal is NOT to save a huge amount all at once but to develop a consistent saving habit that will grow over time.
6. Not letting go of your past
If letting go is something you struggle with, it's time to learn how to release those burdens.
Holding onto past hurts and mistakes can weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward. You simply cannot turn back time and change the past, but your future is still unwritten. By holding on to the past, you might risk missing out on the opportunities and joy that lie ahead of you.
Focus on the here and now, and work towards building a positive future for yourself and your children.
Letting go doesn't necessarily mean forgetting - that'll be almost impossible - but it's about acknowledging your past, learning from it, and making a conscious choice to move forward. Your kids need a happy and healthy parent who is fully present in their lives, not one who is constantly haunted by the past.
7. Not practicing gratitude
You might not realize it sometimes, but you have so much to be grateful for. You might be healthy, your kids are healthy and happy, you have a roof over your head, your fridge might be stocked up with food, you have running water and electricity, you have people who support you, you have good friends, you have a job - find things that are going well for you and say thanks.
It can be the littlest of things but being grateful for the little things will change your whole mindset. You might be yearning for something bigger, and quite frankly everyone does, but happiness truly starts when we are grateful for what we currently do have.
This way, your mind is not focused on depressing yourself with what you don't have, but it focuses on all the good that is going on in your life. Start on that note and watch how your whole outlook on your life changes every day.
8. Introducing a man too soon
It can be lonely being a single mom and diving into a new relationship can be very tempting. But introducing a new man to your kids too soon can be unsettling and downright confusing for them.
It's important to take your time to really know someone before bringing them into your children's lives. They need stability, and rushing into a relationship can disrupt that. Make sure the relationship is solid and that you've had enough time to assess if this person is genuinely a good fit for your family.
Take the time to talk to your kids about the changes happening in your life. Gradual introductions in neutral, casual settings can help with the transition if and when you decide it's the right time.
It's also extremely important to listen to your children's feelings about this new person in your life, especially since their well-being comes first.
By moving slowly and thoughtfully, you can ensure that any new relationship enriches your family life rather than causing disruption.
9. Not introducing positive male role models to your kids
Regardless of our experiences and relationships with our exes, our kids need to see what healthy relationships with men look like, making them develop a well-rounded perspective on relationships.
Our kids need to be exposed to positive male influences who demonstrate positive traits like honesty, faithfulness, kindness, respect, consideration, and strength. This teaches children what good men are like and sets a strong foundation for their future relationships.
Male role models don't necessarily have to be romantic partners. They can be any good man in your life - it could be your dad, an uncle, a cousin, a brother, or even a friend.
You'd want to get your kids engaged with these male influences especially while they're still young. It helps them see that there are good men and they too, can build healthy, respectful relationships.
10. Not giving yourself space to have fun
We often get caught up in our responsibilities and taking care of everyone else ensuring that they are happy and healthy, and tend to forget about ourselves.
As a single mom, we juggle countless responsibilities and it's easy to forget about our own happiness. However, giving yourself space to enjoy life and have fun is crucial for your own well-being. Whether it's a hobby, having a night out with a friend, going dancing, or just laughing with your kids and being silly, making time for your own joy is essential.
Having fun is not only good for you, but it's important for your kids to see you happy and enjoying life. It sets a positive example for them, showing them that it's important to take time for things that feed our souls and make us happy and how to find that balance.
Giving yourself permission to find and enjoy your happiness will allow you to recharge your batteries and remind you that life has its beautiful and enjoyable moments if you let it, despite the challenges.
So, plan those fun activities not only for your kids but that will make you happy too!
11. Not enforcing rules with your kids
I myself have been guilty of this so many times.
It's tempting to let things slide because you feel guilty about your whole situation, but then again kids need structure and boundaries. Consistency in enforcing rules helps them feel secure and teaches them responsibility and accountability.
You might feel that having rules and enforcing rules might strain your relationship with your kids, but it's these rules and boundaries that are important for their development and well-being.
Explain to your kids why these rules are important and set clear expectations. And be consistent in enforcing these rules, no matter how difficult it may seem. Over time, your kids will learn to understand that rules are put in place for their benefit and that you have their best interest at heart at all times.
This consistency in enforcing rules with your kids will not only help in raising well-adjusted kids but it will also help create a sense of stability and security at home.
12. Making single momhood a handicap
As stressful and tough as it is being a single mom, we should never view it as a limitation. Instead, we should view it as a strength. That's how I choose to live my life as a single mom and this mindset has helped me through the toughest of times.
Believe it or not, we are resourceful, resilient, and capable of achieving great things. Never let the label of 'single mom' hold you back. Embrace it instead, and use it as a source of inspiration and motivation.
Being a single mom means you've overcome challenges and have come out stronger. Use this strength to push forward and achieve the goals that you have set for yourself.
Surround yourself with good influences and always remind yourself of how far you've come. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small, and use them as motivation to keep going.
Being a single mom is not a handicap by any means - it's a testament to your incredible ability to thrive despite the odds. Just believe in yourself and you'll find that you are capable of more than you ever imagined.
It's important to remember, we're all learning and growing as we go. It's okay to stumble, but what matters most is that we get back up and keep moving forward.
We are raising the next generation, and that’s no small feat. Give yourself grace, practice self-care, and never be afraid to ask for help. Embrace the journey, and know that every step you take is a step towards a better future for you and your children.
Stay strong, stay positive, and keep thriving. We've got this!
What are some of the mistakes that you've made? Let's keep the conversation going!
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