RAISING SONS WHO RESPECT WOMEN IN A WORLD THAT OFTEN DOESN'T

AA
Jun 24
6 min read

The world our boys are growing up in

To be honest with you, this is something I think about a lot.

As a boy mom and a single mom, this responsibility feels big. Really heavy on the shoulders. Because when I look around, it's clear that respect for women isn't always taught. Or even valued.

We see it in viral videos, in the comments people leave online, in the music we listen to, and in jokes that are supposed to come across as funny. It really is everywhere.

And that makes me pause.

Because our boys are listening, watching, and observing all of this. They're silently soaking all of it in, probably more than we realize. And at the same time, they're learning how to treat people.

So, where does that leave us as parents?

Right in the middle. In the place where the real work begins. To give them the foundations of what respect means and what it looks like. To right all the wrongs they might be observing.

Raising our sons to respect women isn't just something we hope that they'll learn along the way. It's something we have to put an effort in especially considering the outside influences that are getting more and more challenging to shield them from as they grow older.

You know your son has a good heart. You just want to make sure that the world doesn't harden it.

It's not so much about raising a perfect son. It's about raising one who sees women who are just like them, with their own thoughts, space, voice, and value. Not because he was told to, but because he truly believes so.

It's about raising one who doesn't stay quiet when a friend makes a snarky joke at someone else's expense. One who listens when a girl says no. One who doesn't think he deserves more just because he's a boy.

Raising sons to respect women essentially starts with us. It starts with the small things we say and do every day. It starts with what we let slide and what we speak up about.

Every conversation, every boundary, every moment of empathy we show our sons, it matters. It builds.

So, how exactly do we actually go about doing it?

How to Raise Sons Who Respect Women

Here are five simple and thoughtful ways you can teach and raise your son to be respectful. Starting now and from home.

Talk about respect (and not just once)

I used to think that I could just sit my son down and explain what respect means and then hope for the best. But it doesn't work that way, does it?

Respect isn't just one big talk. It's multiple small talks that we have over time.

When we see something on TV that's off, I say something. Not in a lecture-y kind of way. But a quick comment like, "That wasn't okay, right?" or "How do you think she felt?".

I want my son to know that having respect for women isn't just about saying the right words, but it's also about how you treat someone. It's about how you make them feel seen and heard. How you respect their space, their opinions, their time.

We don't need to have any fancy conversations. Just real, honest ones.

It's best when we teach them when there's some sort of context. So even when something happens at school, use that too as a chance to just, talk.

Don't Just Say It, Show It

I catch myself sometimes. When I'm stressed, when I'm short with people. I know my son notices these things. How I behave and react, or respond to people.

So I make a conscious effort to show my son what respect looks like in our everyday lives. How I talk to people when they're not around. How I speak up when someone crosses the line. The way I carry myself. The way I speak to service personnel at a restaurant or the grocery store. The way I set boundaries.

It's not always easy to keep myself in check, but it's totally worth it, for him, and for me, too.

I know for a fact that when he sees me holding my ground, being kind, being firm, he gets it.

Start Conversations About Consent Early (even in small ways)

Consent isn't just about the sex talk. And it's not just a one-time lesson.

If your son doesn't want a hug, respect that. If his sister doesn't want to share her toy, he should learn to respect that too. It may sound simple, but these early everyday moments, that's where teaching them about consent starts.

You can talk about personal space, personal comfort, and paying attention to how other people feel. As he gets older, you can talk about checking in before touching someone, about asking before sharing someone else's story, and about stopping when someone says no.

Consent is a two-way street, so whatever you teach him about respecting others, it applies to him too. Over time, he'll understand that consent isn't a rule, but a way of thinking.

Let Him Feel All The Feelings

Traditionally, boys are told so many things about who they should, and shouldn't be. Be tough. Don't cry. So much expectation on someone so little and young. I hate it, and quite frankly, it's getting old.

We don't let boys feel, and when they become men, we criticize them for the exact thing that they were told not to do. The truth is, if we don't let our boys feel, how on earth will they ever understand someone else's feelings?

I give my son space to feel sad, mad, scared, and everything in between. I don't rush in to try to fix things, nor do I tell him to shake it off. I just sit with him in all his feelings. It's not always the easiest to do, but you need to have patience and empathy.

And in return, that's how empathy grows. And that's how boys become men who know how to care. And when he understands his own emotions, he'll have more patience and kindness for others.

Your son deserves to feel.

Normalize Friendship Between Boys and Girls

Sometimes people act like boys and girls can't just be friends. People make it weird.

But you need to make sure that your son knows that's not true.

Your son can have girl friends, and that would be completely normal and okay. They can talk, laugh, play video games, share snacks, just like he would with his guy friends.

Normalizing these friendships can teach your son that girls aren't mysterious or different or less than. They're just people. Just like anybody else.

When your son grows up seeing each other as equals, they'll treat each other that way. No weird power dynamic. No awkwardness. Just simple, basic human respect.

Talk About What It Means To Be A Man

We hear so much BS like "man up" or "boys don't cry", and we know that that's far from what we should actually be telling our boys.

We need to remind our sons that being a boy, a man doesn't mean tough or aggressive.

Instead, help him learn that being a man means being honest. Being strong enough to admit when you're wrong. Standing up for others. Helping and not hurting. Listening, not just talking.

When we choose to talk about masculinity in this way, it helps him learn and grow into someone who doesn't feel as if he has to prove anything.

It helps him grow into someone who's comfortable being kind.

Help Him Learn From His Mistakes

He won't get it all right. None of us do. But when your son messes up, don't shame him. Instead, help him reflect on his mistakes.

If he's said something wrong, whether it's unfair or unkind, ask him why. Talk to him about how it might have made someone feel. Not to punish him, but to help him understand and grow.

Mistakes are part of learning. And what matters most is how he responds after. Does he try to do better? You'd want him to. That's what I focus on.

Because the goal is to raise a son who learns from his mistakes and who is open to learning.

It Starts With You

I realize that we won't be able to get everything right. I mess up all the time. But I come back to this every day.

Raising sons who respect women, and being respectful in general is one of the most important things we'll ever do. You want it to be a part of who they are.

And the truth is, our boys are learning from us every day. From what we do. From what we say. From how we treat other people. From what we expect of them.

This is slow work. Quiet work. So don't stress about being the perfect parent. Just be a present one.

Because all the small things we do now? They matter later.

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