WHY DOES MY TEENAGE SON PUSH ME AWAY?

There's this really weird sadness that comes with raising a teenage son and honestly I don't think people talk about it enough.

Not the kind where your relationship is completely falling apart. I mean the quiet kind.

The kind that shows up in ordinary moments around the house when you suddenly realize your teenage son isn't talking to you the same way anymore and you can't even pinpoint exactly what changed.

One day they're sitting beside you telling you every random thought in their head. And then they slowly start to change. Conversations feel shorter, their bedroom door stays closed longer, they stare at their phones a lot even while you're talking to them.

And because you love them so much, your brain immediately starts trying to figure out what's going on.

If he's angry at you. If he secretly hates being around you now. If this is just what happens when boys grow up.

I remember having moments where I'd replay conversations in my head thinking, "Why was he so cold just now?" Meanwhile, he probably forgot the whole interaction two seconds after he walked away while I sat there overthinking it.

That part is hard honestly.

Especially when you used to be so close before.

Sometimes your teenage son pulls away because he's changing faster than you can emotionally keep up with

I think that's the part nobody prepares moms of teenage sons for.

Your teenage son starts becoming his own person right in front of you, but emotionally you're still holding on to the younger version of him while trying to adjust to what's happening in front of you.

And growing up for boys can come out in strange ways. Sometimes it looks like silence. Sometimes it looks like irritation. Sometimes it looks like them disappearing into their rooms for hours and acting like talking, to you especially, requires too much energy.

And I know moms take it personally because I've taken it personally too. And I have just one son. One child. So those feelings I had about the change in him were magnified a million times.

I remember asking my son completely normal questions and immediately feeling stupid afterwards because his whole reaction made it seem like I interrupted something important even though he was literally doing nothing.

That feeling stayed with me longer that it should have. I kept replaying it. Telling myself maybe I shouldn't have asked that. Maybe I should have said it in a better way. Maybe I was hovering too much. Maybe he's upset with me. All the maybe's.

And I think a lot of moms quietly panic during this stage because your teenage son suddenly feels emotionally harder to reach and nobody really tells you how painful that change can feel sometimes. Especially when they used to come to you so naturally for everything.

Read also. What Are Your Teenager's Mood Swings Really About

He still needs you but in a different way

This took me a while to understand properly. Because when your teenage son starts acting distant, you instinct as a mom is usually one of two things.

You either try harder and push for connection all the time. Or you pull back too because you don't want to feel rejected over and over again.

I've done both. I took it hard. I took it to heart.

I used to ask too many questions sometimes because I thought if I could just get him talking properly then maybe I'd feel close to him again the way I used to.

But the way teenage boys are, it doesn't work like that. The more pressure they feel, the further they go. And I realized after making so many mistakes that he talks more when there was no pressure attached to the conversation.

These unexpected conversations always happen during car rides. In the car. walking through a grocery store. Random moments when I'm busy making food for us.

Those moments felt easier because nobody was forcing some big emotional discussion. And I think teenage boys open up more when they don't feel watched too closely emotionally. At least mine does.

Read also. How Moms Stay Close To Their Teenage Sons

Teenage boys carry more pressure than they let on

I think we underestimate this part a lot.

Your teen son acts like he doesn't care about anything but honestly I think he sometimes cares too much but just don't know what to do with those feelings.

He is trying to fit in socially, deal with school stress, figure out who he is, look confident even when he doesn't feel confident, manage friendships, body changes, expectations, pressure online, pressure at school, pressure from literally everywhere.

And most boys aren't exactly sitting around openly discussing their feelings in detail. Not even with their friends. So those feelings come out differently.

He withdraws. He seems irritated most times. He might act cold when really he's overwhelmed and mentally exhausted. And he himself probably doesn't really understand why.

I noticed with my own son that whenever life becomes heavier for him outside of our home, he became quieter at home. Not mean. Just emotionally unavailable. Like he didn't have the energy for a conversation with me. And I had to slowly stop treating every mood like a personal attack against me because sometimes your teenage son is just trying to survive being a teenager.

Which honestly looks exhausting.

Read also. The Silent Pressures Teenage Boys Carry

Moms grieve quietly during the teenage years

Nobody talks about this enough either.

There's grief in watching your child grow. Not because you don't want them to grow. Of course you do. But because certain versions of them slowly disappear along the way and sometimes it catches you off guard in the middle of completely ordinary moments.

I'll randomly remember the younger version of my son while doing something boring around the house and suddenly feel emotional for no reason.

The way he used to talk nonstop. The way he'd sit beside me without hesitation. The way he needed me so openly back then.

And now everything feels more subtle. More guarded. More private.

Your teenage son still loves you. He still needs you. I really believe that. But teenage boys stop expressing closeness in obvious ways sometimes and I think that's the part moms struggle with emotionally.

Because we miss the openness. We miss being let into their world so easily.

Read Also. The Hardest Part of Raising A Teenage Boy

Not every bad mood means you're failing as a mom

I had to learn this slowly because honestly I used to overthink everything. Every eye roll. Every annoyed sign. Every short answer. Every closed bedroom door.

But teenagers are emotionally messy people.

They're trying to become independent while still needing comfort at the exact same time and honestly I think that internal conflict makes them act confusing constantly.

One minute he acts like he doesn't need you for anything. Next minute he's yelling your name from another room because he can't find something that's sitting directly in front of him. One minute they want space. Next minute they're hovering near you in the kitchen for no obvious reason.

Teenagers are complicated. And I think moms exhaust themselves trying to decode every mood change when sometimes the truth is much simpler.

Sometimes they're tired. Sometimes they're stressed. Sometimes their brains feel overloaded. Sometimes they just feel like talking. And sometimes they just want a little space so they can process everything that's currently happening to them.

Read Also. What To Do When Your Teenage Son Refuses To Talk To You

Honestly, I still struggle with all this.

There are days I take things personally when I shouldn't. Days I miss the younger version of my son so much my hear physically aches. Days where I wonder if I'm being too much or not enough.

And then there are moments that remind me that my boy is still there under all that moodiness and distance and growing pains.

The way he checks if I ate. The way he randomly shares something funny. The way he still looks for me first when something goes wrong even though he acts independent most of the time.

Those little things matter.

They remind me that him pushing away doesn't always mean disconnecting completely. Sometimes it's just what growing up looks like.

Messy. Awkward. Confusing for everybody involved. Including us moms.

You just need to keep showing up even when he acts like he doesn't want you there. Keep making dinner. Keep texting him stupid things. Keep knocking.

Because what he needs to know, even if he never says it, is that you're not going anywhere no matter how much he pushes.

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