50 FUNNY TRUTHS ABOUT TURNING 50

Turning 50 is a milestone that brings with it a mix of emotions, insights, and, of course, humorous realizations.

Here are 50 funny truths about hitting the half-century mark.

Those who know, know!

01. You finally understand why your parents were always so tired.

02. You get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen.

03. You can injure yourself while sleeping.

04. You'll most likely miss a turning if someone is talking to you while you're driving.

05. Your idea of a wild night is having two cups of tea before bed.

06. You start making noises when you get up... the same noises you used to make at night!

07. Your back goes out more than you do.

08. Sneezing goes hand in hand with peeing.

09. You stop in the middle of a sentence because you forget what you want to say.

10. You have a favorite burner on the stove.

11. You watch documentaries on purpose.

12. Suddenly, the pharmacist becomes a part of your social circle.

13. You consider an evening out to be taking the garbage out.

14. Your knees give a weather forecast better than the meteorologist.

15. You get into heated debates about pension plans.

16. You forget names but remember every song from the '80s.

17. You have a pill organizer... and you're excited to use it.

18. You turn the music down so that you can see better.

19. Your body hurts for no reason.

20. You're sweating when everybody else is freezing.

21. You can fall asleep easily except when it's time to sleep.

22. Your first few steps after sitting down for 20 minutes, make you look like you need a walker.

23. You start stories with "25 years ago" and it's not about your ancestors.

24. Your idea of a hot date is a warm blanket.

25. You've become the person who has tissues up their sleeve.

26. You're considering buying stock in anti-wrinkle cream.

27. The phrase "turn down the music" is now part of your vocabulary.

28. You're not as concerned about losing your mind as you are about losing your glasses.

29. Your childhood punishments are now your adult goals (napping, eating your vegetables, staying in, etc.).

30. You're more interested in the side effects of medication than the street value.

31. You get more excited about canceled plans than you do about making them.

32. You've seriously considered writing a strongly worded letter to someone.

33. Your attempt at flirting could be mistaken for a medical emergency.

34. You've accepted that "mystery pains" are just a part of life now.

35. You settle with the fact that your metabolism has packed its bags and left you.

36. You know all the tricks to avoid a hangover, mainly because you can't handle them anymore.

37. You get offended if someone suggests you're too old to do something, then hurt yourself proving them wrong.

38. Your friends compare surgeries instead of night outs.

39. You've become an advocate for comfortable shoes.

40. You start using phrases like "in my day" non-ironically.

41. You consider "low-impact" to be a major selling point.

42. You've mastered the art of the power nap.

43. You find yourself squinting at menus, even with your glasses on.

44. You start diagnosing everyone's ailments, regardless of your lack of medical training.

45. You've seriously considered the merits of different types of lawn grass.

46. You celebrate the fact that you can still touch your toes (even if it's just mentally).

47. You've entered a room and then had to leave to remember why you went in there in the first place.

48. You have an opinion on the best grocery store checkout lanes.

49. Your new measure of success is how many nights you can sleep through without a bathroom trip.

50. You start sentences with "When I was your age," followed by outrageous claims.

In all honesty, though, turning 50 is not that bad at all. More and more people are taking care of themselves and may even look better than they did when they were younger. I mean I've since 90-year-olds still driving and they are the true MVPs and are truly an inspiration to me.

The most important thing as we grow older is to stay healthy, and happy. There is nothing else.

I will learn to embrace my 50s and I can't wait to see what surprises the 60's will bring!